Heart - #OneWord2017

Heart.

The courage and strength to push forward. Believing in oneself. Conviction and determination. Passion in purpose.

This may not be the true definition of “HEART”, but to me in 2017, it is the definition my #OneWord that I will focus my energies toward. Heart.

2016 was not an easy year for me. In fact, it is one that tested my inner strength in many ways.

Everything around me was progressing and thriving in 2016. We moved to a new house. My boys had great school years and were growing and changing in great ways. Our school accomplished some awesome and amazing feats in curriculum and instruction with our power standards and common assessments, and we built a Makerspace! In this sense, 2016 was an awesome year.

Yet, I’ve been troubled inside, trying to find my way and my purpose. I have no idea what triggered my inner struggles. I just know it has been there. On the outside, I was focused, determined, and energized, but on the inside, I was just the opposite. I saw the passion and purpose of others. I saw their strengths. Daily, my students and staff were outstanding. My PLN was continually inspiring. But, at every turn, I questioned myself.

I forgot to take care of myself, draining the life right out of me. I forgot my inner strength. I stopped believing in myself and my abilities as a leader. I doubted my every turn. It became unhealthy. And then, I stopped writing and conversing with my PLN. I stopped reading. I became quiet because I didn’t believe in what I had to offer anymore. I began comparing myself with others.

I have wondered if other leaders have gone through these feelings before. But instead of reaching out to them, I kept to myself. I poured everything I did have left into my family and my school, but something was definitely missing. I wondered if I could find the inner strength, the inner belief, the inner passion to pull myself back. I wanted it. I couldn’t rely on others to pull it back for me. This had to come from within me.

With winter break, I have had a lot of time to think and I started pondering my #OneWord for 2017. So many words to choose from that could bring me back to who I really am. Yet, I still struggled. Then, Christmas Eve, it hit me, like it always does, surrounded by my family.

We were baking cookies for Santa. The boys were “helping”, and I was simply enjoying this most meaningful time with them. Treasured moments.

My oldest asked, “Mom, is there really a Santa, or is it you?” I was clearly taken aback. My little 6-year-old can’t hear this! My next words were so important and would define our next 24 hours.

“Alex, I believe. I believe in Santa because of what Santa believes in. He believes in the good in the world. He believes in the children of the world, and they are good, and he brings them gifts of love to share.”

I knew after I said all of that, he was still skeptical. But my other 2 boys jumped in to say they believed in Santa and then went on to share which cookie they would leave out for him that night.

The next morning was pure excitement. We all believed in the magic. We were the magic of that day.  We played together. Built together. Cooked dinner together. Our day was filled with so much heart. We poured ourselves into each moment, and at that point, I felt it coming back. I felt the passion in my purpose as an educator and as a leader. My heart was filled with strength, in believing in all around me, and in myself.

In 2017, I will pursue all my quests and journeys with heart. My heart. Who I am, the person I believe to be. The inner strength that I create. The determination and conviction in all I do. The courage to take risks. My passion for what I believe in shining through every step of the way. While I may still question myself, I will do so in a healthy way, not filled with self-doubt.

With this renewed spirit and pouring my heart into all I do, I will continue to lead by example, building our team, inspiring others to pursue their passions. I want to be the best educator for kids, the best leader for my team. I want to be the best mom for my kids, the best wife for my husband. I give my heart to others through the life I live and lead. What I forgot was that those around me fill my heart with so much, giving me the strength and the belief to carry on and take on the next challenges that I may face.

I will lead with HEART. Be who I am with HEART. Believe in the strength of myself and all of those around me. More than ever before, my HEART will drive me in all I do in 2017!

PS - To my PLN - If I grow quiet, wake me up by reminding me of my heart!