Defeat

Defeat. No one likes it. Everyone experiences it. The best will tell you we learn from defeat. It is never easy to experience it yourself, let alone watch your own children go through it. Today was one of those days.

I grew up in Iowa, wrestling country. Dan Gable, the Brand boys, University of Iowa wrestling were household names and wrestling was our winter sport. Many of my friends in high school wrestled. We would have a packed gym. So, I knew when I had children, I wanted them to wrestle. The irony is that I live in Indiana, the basketball state. Too funny.

Today was like many winter Sundays, spent with a very early morning drive to make weigh-in for the wrestling tournament. We have done this countless times before, all three of my boys wrestling, even my little guy at a whole 37 pounds. The day started like all others, rolling out of the driveway when it is still dark, packed car of blankets, gear, and food.

The boys weighed in like all other times, warmed up, and seemed ready to go, until the first match. Little guy lost in a pin, didn’t have his head in the game. Loss 1. Next was Gus. A win with a pin! That would be the only win of the day. As the brackets moved, the boys fought hard, but each time just didn’t sink the win. As the day wore on, their demeanor deflated. And this wasn’t our first rodeo of losses! But today it harder than usual. The struggles, the pain, the heartache of pushing yourself so hard, but not quite enough to win the match.

While it was hard for my boys, it was especially hard for me. I don’t like seeing my boys feel defeat. I don’t like watching them struggle or feel frustration, even after the reassuring smile, pat on the back, or positive words. I can see it in their eyes that they don’t believe me right now that it will be okay and we will have a better weekend next weekend. At one point, I felt the notion that they wanted to stop wrestling all together, stop pursuing the sport, just call it quits.

But quitting is not an option. I want my boys to know that we finish things out, even if it is to finish the season to try something else next year. We don’t quit. We finish strong, no matter what. I want to take the pain and frustration away, because that is what moms do, but I know this is learning in the trenches.

When I think of our schools, our students, our teachers, this is the mindset I want to instill in others. No matter what is thrown at schools by the state, we push through it, because we cannot just throw up our hands and call it a defeat. We need to find a way, change what we do, prepare differently, so that we can have a strong outcome for our students.

When teachers try a new lesson or new technique and it fails, we should not throw up our hands in defeat, but rather try it again, but differently, and keep pushing through to find what works for our students.

And most importantly, when our students struggle, are frustrated, and are feeling defeat, we don’t allow them to stop, we don’t back down and make things easier, we encourage, support, and find another way to help them.

Teaching our children about “defeat” and “failure” are essential. We cannot expect perfection - they are kids. Kids will make mistakes. They will not behave perfectly all of the time. Students will not reach “at grade level” at the same time, in the same way, or at the same pace as other students. So, we must embrace “defeat” as a mindset, as a hurdle, so that we never quit, but keep moving forward toward the goal.

Defeat is a mindset. As is failure. I like to think of these types of things as setbacks, obstacles, or hurdles. Simply, we all learn from what we do, and isn’t that what it is all about? Learning so that we can have a different outcome next time. Defeat means that we give up. Our path is done. No opportunities await. I would rather not think this way. With “defeat” comes learning, growing, and then trying again.

We all feel defeat. We all experience failure. How are we modeling our attitude and mindset during those times for those around us? How are we supporting our children through it all?

Next Sunday, we have another wrestling tournament. And we will be ready. Because it is not how many times you feel defeat or how badly you feel it, but it is how you get up from the defeat you experience and make the best of it, changing your preparation, learning from the experience to do better next time. It is not the wins or losses, but the mindset we carry with us that life is a learning adventure that makes us better each day.

Opportunity

2018 came in with wonderful memories. My family spent New Year’s Eve in Indianapolis, starting new traditions that we will continue for years to come. Our love of sports finished the year, with a Colts game and Pacers game, then a late night "snack" at Steak n’ Shake before the Indy car dropped in below zero temperatures. We had a blast, and 2018 came in while I was hanging out with my favorite people in the world, those who will always be there, through thick and thin.

For the past few years, I have followed in the footsteps of great leaders and educators, setting One Word to guide my path for the year, giving me a focus instead of a resolution. Last year was a year of ups and downs, and in some instances, the downs got the best of me for periods of time. This year, while we all experience ups and downs, I want those downs to become something positive for me, not become negative defining moments.

This year, I have struggled to narrow my One Word. I thought about the word, Hope. Hope for those around me, hope in all that surrounds us. But it just didn’t feel right in my current state.

Rejuvenate sat with me for a while. A good word, one I truly need to reflect more on and follow through with in order to be my best for others. But I did not want to define my year with rejuvenation.

And then it hit me. While standing in sub-zero weather close to midnight on New Year’s Eve, everything around us is filled with opportunity. With my family huddled together, counting down, this was a great opportunity for memories, new traditions. We could have focused on the cold or how tired we all were, but we focused our attention on the opportunity of the memories we were making together. The word Opportunity resonated.

And so, for 2018, it is all about opportunity.

Our opportunity to make the best of every situation.

Our opportunity to build great opportunities for kids.

My opportunity to support my staff in their work and endeavors to grow themselves.

My opportunity support our students through their creative and innovative learning adventures.

My opportunity to learn, grow, and delve into my strengths as a leader.

My opportunity to be a mom and wife for my family, being present for them when I’m with them.

My opportunity to take a look at who I am and where I want to be in order to build more and better opportunities for our kids.

Opportunities are all around us. It is up to us whether we take those opportunities for the better and run with them. We can focus on the negative, or we can focus on the opportunity where we can make things better.

I want to embrace opportunities this year, making the most of each one that comes my way, my family’s way, or my school’s way. This year, I seek those opportunities and hold on to them for the betterment of those around me, as well as find those opportunities that will continue to push me as a leader.